maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
