Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
