as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
