Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
