All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
