Already got asked if we're dating
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
