No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
