Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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