we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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