I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
