I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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