Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
