Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
