That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
