he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
