Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
