I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
