I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
