I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
