After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
