The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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