I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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