I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
