Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
