He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
