hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
