Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
