well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
