I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
