He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
