I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I did not marry a roomba.
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