I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
