He kissed a someone with a penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
