I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
