ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
