She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
