in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
