thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
