So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
