I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
