I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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