I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
