i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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