So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
