words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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