My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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