How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
