The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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