i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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