I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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